what perfection hides

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For National Eating Disorder Awareness Week,
“Recovery is not meant to be easier than listening to your eating disorder. Recovery is often much worse than living with your eating disorder. However, recovery has an end goal of enjoying life and freedom, whereas the eating disorder had one end point; certain misery, or even death.”
Eating disorders are the deadliest of all mental disorders, yet the most misunderstood. People don’t understand that it’s not just about being skinny… But I can tell you what it is like. Losing all the people that you were once so close to, constant guilt for eating LITERALLY anything, heart monitors, obsessively counting calories, self hatred, constant nightmares, making your loved ones cry because they just want you to get better, low blood pressure, losing your hair, your worth is based on a number that’s never small enough, depression, anxiety, OCD, and hospitals. Eating disorders are not something that should ever be idolized, and the most deadly killer of the disease is silence. I am in recovery for an eating disorder and I am not ashamed of that.

"I don’t believe in recovered,
the sickness of past-tense,
removed from my life permanently.
I will always
wake up every morning,
say hello to my demons,
and walk right past them.
There is strength
in the daily fight.
It is in my shadow."

- Michelle K., "I Am Recovered!" (via michellekpoems)


Dear Anorexia,



Realizing that my therapist can tell when I’m avoiding a certain topic/hiding emotions/etc:




it’s been a while since I’ve worked up the courage to eat a real breakfast, but this morning I am choosing to actively pursue recovery and give my body what it needs.  

(I made Aubrey’s mug pancakes and topped it with white chocolate chips and my momma’s raspberry jam ohmyyum)

"I feel bad for my family.
Their kinda stuck with me.
At least other people can just leave me…"

- (via razor-bladesandvodka)


God this is so important